The past few weeks have been really rough! We've had a series of hard knocks. First, we had a plumbing bill to the tune of $1800. The following week, we had to put Shylah, our German Shepherd down. (That whole episode was very tragic and stressful situation.) We put her down on a Monday, that Friday I had a miscarriage. I was 8.5 weeks pregnant when I lost the baby. Right after that, our family all came down with the flu. It was the worst sickness we've had in a long time. While I was sick, I destroyed my phone by putting it in the washer. So yeah, the past few weeks have been rough.
Nonetheless, God is faithful. He is our hope and help in trouble. When you get knocked down so low, there is only one way that you can look and that is up. Sometimes that is what it takes to get us hard headed, independent people to turn our focus back to God. I have to admit that I did go through a "woe is me" stage but now I'm trying to get back up and focus on seeking God's will.
September and October are going to be very difficult months for us emotionally. September 19 was Sierra's birthday and October 17 is when she entered the gates of heaven. A friend and I are working on putting together something special to do on Sierra's birthday. More details will follow....
Friday, August 12, 2011
Posted by Rosetta at 4:31 PM
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Despite the pain, life has been very busy. Buck is now a certified therapy dog. Now we just have to find a place to visit! Our goal is to visit children in the hospital, but we won't be able to do that until after the children's hospital moves in October. We would also love to visit children in a special needs class, but it is summer vacation right now. We are trying to find a nursing home to visit until we can do either of those.
Also, I'm not sure how feasible this is, but I would LOVE to train service dogs for special needs children. I'm going to be doing research and trying to find out how to go about that.
Ruby is growing like a weed and getting into tons of mischief. She brightens our days and keeps life interesting.
Posted by Rosetta at 12:39 PM
I know that I've neglected this blog lately. It's not because we are doing great and completely healed. The pain is still so real. The past week was particularly difficult. I'm not sure why. We miss Sierra so much. Ruby has been talking a lot about "Sissy" lately. She's been saying, "Sissy? Bye." and "Sissy? Know?" as she's saying it, she'll hold out her little hands like she does when she's looking for something. Another thing she said was, "Sissy, I lo lu" (I love you.) It is sweet and heartbreaking all in one.
Independence Day is coming up next week. It was always one of my favorite holidays. This year I'm dreading it. I don't have my precious angel baby to dress up in red, white, and blue. Sometimes, I wish we could just skip holidays. Sometimes I wonder how it is possible to celebrate when we are in so much pain. Yet life must go on. Not for our sake, but for Ruby's. We want her to experience all the joys of childhood.
I think sometimes people see us out and about and think that we've healed and are no longer suffering. What they don't see are...
....the tears shed in the quiet of night
....the pain of seeing the matching dresses that Sierra and Ruby were supposed to wear the day Sierra went to heaven.
....the shattered dreams of having Sierra get a wish granted from "Make a Wish"
....the daily items that were Sierra's that she will never use again
....the "we should have..." thoughts
....the little girl who will never see her "Sissy" again on this earth
....the pain of seeing other special needs children and knowing that I can't hug my own special needs child
The list goes on and on just as does the pain.
Posted by Rosetta at 12:35 PM
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Today Jason went back to work. It's been 3 weeks since our little angel baby left us. Now we are forced to return to the routines of life as we try to find a new "normal." That is easier said than done when it feels like our hearts and lives have been torn apart. Life will never be the same again, but through God's grace, we will persevere.
Posted by Rosetta at 1:25 PM
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Through this horrible storm, we have seen bursts of sunshine as God orchestras all the details and reminds us of His loving care. My mother asked for me to write them out because she wanted to send an email about it. I think I'm going to just list them out in bullet form.
Posted by Rosetta at 9:50 PM
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tomorrow it will be two weeks since our little angel left us. Oh how my heart aches. I miss her so much. :'-( Our family is incomplete without her. My days feel empty. Yes, I have a lot more free time now, but I would give up all of my free time to have her back in my arms.
Posted by Rosetta at 6:35 PM
Rosetta does most of the writing here, but I wanted to jump in to talk about mothering.
Rosetta had modeled mothering for the last several years. Of Sierra's 3 years and 28 days of life, Rosetta spent 3 years and 27 days with her. The one day she didn't, our other daughter Ruby was born so she was a little busy. But its not so much about the number of days spent, its about what she did during those days.
When Sierra was in NICU, the doctors put a feeding tube in her stomach because they said she would never be able to eat normally. Rosetta found a special kind of bottle called a Haberman that assisted kids with with sucking reflexes to learn to suck. Within two months, the tube was out.
This does not mean that feeding Sierra was easy. She eventually learned to suck well enough to go to a regular baby bottle and then to a sippy cup, but feedings typically took at least half an hour, many times longer. On top of that, Sierra typically couldn't go to the bathroom on her own, so Rosetta spent significant time each day helping her make this happen.
On top of all that, there were endless therapies and appointments. It started out with taking her to a chiropractor in Austin twice a week. Eventually we switched to a chiropractor in Temple, but then found a good massage therapist in Austin that she started taking her to. This involved significant drive time, not to mention the various local therapies that she took her to, or had therapists come to the house for. Most of the time any time Rosetta got to herself was after midnight, if she got it at all!
Sierra's cues were very subtle. Many times I wouldn't even pick up on them. But Rosetta did, even if it was the middle of the night and she was asleep. Rosetta was so tuned in that if anything was amiss she would wake right up and tend to Sierra.
Sierra could not have had a more caring mother who dedicated her life to her daughter and giving her every opportunity.
Posted by Jason Fedelem at 9:36 AM
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I have decided to continue this blog. I will use it to write down memories of Sierra or share my grief as I miss my precious little girl. The entries will be very raw and real. Some of them will be happy memories and others will be filled with the pain and hurt of losing my baby.
Posted by Rosetta at 9:28 PM
Monday, October 18, 2010
Posted by Jason Fedelem at 9:55 PM