Monday, November 8, 2010

Finding A New "Normal"

Today Jason went back to work. It's been 3 weeks since our little angel baby left us. Now we are forced to return to the routines of life as we try to find a new "normal." That is easier said than done when it feels like our hearts and lives have been torn apart. Life will never be the same again, but through God's grace, we will persevere.

As we were sitting in the FL airport crying our eyes out as we waited for our flight home, a lady came over and tried to offer some words of comfort. She had lost her adult daughter 2 years earlier. She said, "When I get up in the morning, I say, 'I'm just going to do the best I can today.'" That's how it is with us right now. We are living one day at a time. I think of the hymn Great is Thy Faithfulness that says, "...strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow..." We haven't reached the "bright hope for tomorrow" stage yet but I know it will come. God is truly faithful.

I never really realized how much time I spent with Sierra. Yet, despite the many hours we spent caring for Sierra and her special needs, she was NEVER a burden to us. Caring for her was pure joy, and we got so much back in return. There was not one single time when we got frustrated or impatient with her. How many 3 year olds can you say that about? (I can't say the same for Ruby and she is only 10 months old!) She was truly a remarkable little girl. In the coming days, I'm going to dedicate a post to writing about all the lives she touched.

One of the things that I want to do with some of my free time is to begin training Buck to be a pet therapy dog so that we can visit children in the hospital. Last week, we had a consultation with a dog trainer and we put a down payment on a training package. Hopefully Buck and I can begin that in the next month or two. I know I've mentioned doing this, and now I want to give a little explanation as to why I want to do this.

Buck and Sierra loved each other. Buck was so good with her. He loved cuddling up to her and was so gentle. A few days after we arrived home (without Sierra), Buck started sniffing around Sierra's playmat. Then he went running around the house frantically looking for her. He seemed to realize that she was gone and became very sad. It will be wonderful when he can make other children happy and show the same love towards them that he did towards Sierra.

Another reason we want to do this is because the community did SO MUCH for us when we were doing fundraising for Sierra. We feel that this is a small way that we can give back to the community. Sort of a "thank-you" for all the help they gave us.

In a way, I think it will be part of the healing process for me. I never would have thought that I would want to go back into the hospital with all the memories that we have of hospitals. I feel like this is something that I can do for God and for Sierra. I know how scary it can be to have a child in the hospital and how touching it is when someone does something nice for your child. If Buck can make a few children happy then it will be worth it. Maybe God will allow me to bring a bit of comfort to the parents as well. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated on our progress with the dog training.


Shannon Wallace said... sounds like you are doing wonderful! Now I don't mean that in the sense that everything is all roses and happiness at your home. But the fact that you are writig and have goals, well that's inspiring and heartwarming! When others see mommies like you and I handling the death of their children in a postive manner, it inspires others. Do you know how mayn people our children have brought to know the Lord? AMAZING! And I am sure that many others will come to know Him because of Ethan and Sierra.

I wish you the best with Buck. :o)


Becca said...

Thank you for sharing this, Rosetta! I'm still praying for you.