Friday, August 12, 2011

Hard Knocks and Hope

The past few weeks have been really rough!  We've had a series of hard knocks.  First, we had a plumbing bill to the tune of $1800.  The following week, we had to put Shylah, our German Shepherd down.  (That whole episode was very tragic and stressful situation.)  We put her down on a Monday, that Friday I had a miscarriage.  I was 8.5 weeks pregnant when I lost the baby.  Right after that, our family all came down with the flu.  It was the worst sickness we've had in a long time.  While I was sick, I destroyed my phone by putting it in the washer.  So yeah, the past few weeks have been rough.

Nonetheless, God is faithful.  He is our hope and help in trouble.  When you get knocked down so low, there is only one way that you can look and that is up.  Sometimes that is what it takes to get us hard headed, independent people to turn our focus back to God.  I have to admit that I did go through a "woe is me" stage but now I'm trying to get back up and focus on seeking God's will.

September and October are going to be very difficult months for us emotionally.  September 19 was Sierra's birthday and October 17 is when she entered the gates of heaven.  A friend and I are working on putting together something special to do on Sierra's birthday.  More details will follow....

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

What's up now?

Despite the pain, life has been very busy.  Buck is now a certified therapy dog.  Now we just have to find a place to visit!  Our goal is to visit children in the hospital, but we won't be able to do that until after the children's hospital moves in October.  We would also love to visit children in a special needs class, but it is summer vacation right now.  We are trying to find a nursing home to visit until we can do either of those.

Also, I'm not sure how feasible this is, but I would LOVE to train service dogs for special needs children.  I'm going to be doing research and trying to find out how to go about that.

Ruby is growing like a weed and getting into tons of mischief.  She brightens our days and keeps life interesting.

Hello Blog

I know that I've neglected this blog lately.  It's not because we are doing great and completely healed.  The pain is still so real.  The past week was particularly difficult.  I'm not sure why.  We miss Sierra so much.  Ruby has been talking a lot about "Sissy" lately.  She's been saying, "Sissy?  Bye." and "Sissy? Know?" as she's saying it, she'll hold out her little hands like she does when she's looking for something.  Another thing she said was, "Sissy, I lo lu" (I love you.)  It is sweet and heartbreaking all in one.

Independence Day is coming up next week.  It was always one of my favorite holidays.  This year I'm dreading it.  I don't have my precious angel baby to dress up in red, white, and blue.  Sometimes, I wish we could just skip holidays.  Sometimes I wonder how it is possible to celebrate when we are in so much pain.  Yet life must go on.  Not for our sake, but for Ruby's.  We want her to experience all the joys of childhood.  

I think sometimes people see us out and about and think that we've healed and are no longer suffering.  What they don't see are...

....the tears shed in the quiet of night
....the pain of seeing the matching dresses that Sierra and Ruby were supposed to wear the day Sierra went to heaven.
....the shattered dreams of having Sierra get a wish granted from "Make a Wish"
....the daily items that were Sierra's that she will never use again
....the "we should have..." thoughts
....the little girl who will never see her "Sissy" again on this earth
....the pain of seeing other special needs children and knowing that I can't hug my own special needs child

The list goes on and on just as does the pain.